This is Elephant Graveyard, where writing goes to die.
Ok, perhaps that’s a bit too dramatic.
Let me back up.
According to legend, an Elephant Graveyard is where aging elephants instinctively go when it’s time for them to die. Tall tales have been told about these mythical cemeteries, where the Earth’s largest land animal dies in peace, and its herd can grieve its remains for years to come. Although scientifically unproven, the legend conveys an emotionally intelligent mammal, capable of mourning and cognizant of its own mortality.
So, what do dead elephants have to do with writing?
Excuse my metaphor, but writing is the elephant in the room in every room I enter.
It’s the topic that nags my brain each day.
It’s there when I watch the Sixers.
When I water my plants.
When I ask my comrades where we’re dropping in Call of Duty.
My brain can’t help remind me: I should be writing, I should be writing, I should be writing.
When something you’re passionate about becomes a chore, when free time becomes work time outside of your 9 to 5, it can be hard to assuage the guilt that comes with relaxing.
Sure, writing in my down time can be therapeutic, but it can also be a massive pain in my ass.
So, in an attempt to gag the nagging voice in my head, and to trick myself into getting more words on paper, I’m founding my own Elephant Graveyard — a cemetery for my mind. Somewhere to lay to rest my B-list essays, my shower thoughts, my unpopular opinions about ketchup. Shitty haikus, anecdotes, and one-liners. Power rankings for NBA teams and dive bars alike.
This newsletter is where my waste-less words can rest in peace. A plot of digital land for me to “kill my darlings” far from the burdens of publishing, copy editing, and the snot-nosed, profanity-laden 7th grader who inevitably snipes me across the map in every game of Call of Duty.
And, best case scenario, maybe I can entertain a few readers along the way.
Truthfully, Elephant Graveyard was just at the top of my notes app list of cool band names, and I shoehorned it into another list of cool newsletter names. But if there’s anything that English classes have taught me over the years, it’s that there’s always a metaphor to be beaten out of a cool sounding phrase.
Now, if you are a publisher, hit me up for something that isn’t a shitty metaphor about dead animals or a complaint about the children who are better than me at video games. I promise I have more to offer beyond this exercise in creativity.
So… What are you waiting for? Hit subscribe! If the writing wasn’t enough, the welcome email has a cute pup pic.
That’s what we in the biz call incentive.
Other proposed names for this newsletter
The Leather Television
Chicken Parmesan Weekly
Hot Babes Wanted
Ombudsmen Monthly
Astrochimp Ham
Cuck Talk
Wooly Mammoth Rewilding for Beginners, and Other Pet Projects
Shouts out to
Madelene, for helping me bounce names around
Yuengling, for always believing in me
Fruit of the Loom, for always supporting me